If I Could Re-Do College...

A few days ago, I “liked” the facebook status of one of my young college-sophomore friends which gave instructions to “like” the status and then the holder of the status would reply with answers to an assortment of listed questions...about me. I was intrigued. Among my reply [which had me as crayon color “purple pizzazz” and that my official animal was “Larry the Cucumber”] was the response (to the probe “something I’ve always wanted to know...”) “if you could redo college over again, what would you do different?” I’ve debated this a considerable amount in the last year (yes, even while I was still in school) and especially in the last few months. I felt this pondering, rightfully, deserved a response. And I decided maybe it was a response for more than just Megan. So I’m posting...



Megan, to answer your question, if I could redo college over again...



I would do more fun things. I would go to Denny’s at 2am or make my first midnight WalMart run before the last week of my college career. I would always run out of my dorm at full speed to take advantage of a time to play in the rain. I would host more dance parties in my room. I would attend random SGA events just because they were offered. I would photo shoot just for the heck of it with friends. I would purposely seek out laughter.



I would sleep more. I don’t think I would do less homework (maybe I should say I would, but I don’t think this would actually change...) But I would change priorities. “It get’s done, it always get’s done” should make time for healthy things like Jesus and people and sleep and eating more than once in four days and not just my so-called “responsibilities”.



I wouldn’t be so afraid. I wouldn’t be so afraid of what people thought of me. I wouldn’t hide in my shadow. I wouldn’t look for excuses to be involved in people’s lives...I just would be. I would seize more opportunities. I would decide that I could wonder for weeks if someone hated me...or I could just continue to love them regardless of the response. I wouldn’t stay awake at night worrying about what tomorrow held...



I would take more initiative. I would call friends for dinner instead of hoping someone would invite me to join them. I would join people I knew (and didn’t know for that matter) at lunch instead of sitting alone, by myself, meal after meal after meal. I would recognize sooner that my “no touch!” bubble was a poor defense mechanism and allow myself to be hugged more than seven times my freshman year. And four years later...I would be the one to lean in for the embrace first.



I would let down my mask occasionally. I would be honest about how hard it was to be a college student with cancer. I would admit that I wasn’t holding up as well as I wanted people to believe. I wouldn’t try to convince people I was a wonder-woman in order to somehow prove God was strong... I would point to my weakness and measure it up to God’s strength and let God speak for Himself. I would surrender more and allow myself to give up control...realizing without control my mask would begin to slip and I would have less to hide behind.



I would ask for help more often. I wouldn’t have tried so hard to do everything by myself. I would have questioned professors for clarity and taken advantage of offers for extensions. I would have looked for people to help me run Bible study during my sophomore year and people to ride with me during my drives back and forth to Ann Arbor during my junior year. I would have not only taken people up on offers for prayer but asked for it. I would have looked to someone, anyone, on my Nashville trip, to grab my backpack, admitting that four days after surgery, it took everything I had to lift it. I would have taken advantage of the offer of my friend who told me she was just across campus and was available whenever I needed her...I would have found her more and spilled my guts and trusted her to keep me safe...seeing as she already offered.



I would have found a mentor. I would have [been not so afraid], {taken more initiative}, (asked for help more often) and looked for someone who could have fed into me on a normal basis. Someone older (like, long out of college), wiser, trustworthy, tuned in to who I was and what I was going through and where God and I were headed. Someone who would have guided and befriended and maybe even slapped me back to reality a time or two...



And, finally (about time, right?), I would try to realize that for every decision I was or wasn’t making...that for as much as I felt like I was or wasn’t living up to the perfect way to go about the life I was living...that God was going to use every step to teach, to lead, to help me grow, and to bring me to where He was and where He wanted me to be...regardless of the pain and seeming disarray of the journey...