The Bruise Show Up Later

The Bruises Show up Later
AK January 2009

The pain shoots deep.
Every nerve throbs.
I say I’m fine,
Get back on my feet.
No one thinks
To question.
No reason to doubt.
The dull ache replaces a pain that is greater.
For now I go on;
The bruises show up later.

Intensity quick,
And then forgotten.
The memory of pain
Disregarded, unwanted.
Yet just when that subtle soreness
Begins to fade.
Just before the flesh
Begins to shade.
Just as you find yourself
Standing straighter...
You’re reminded again;
Because the bruises show up later.

As if one time wasn’t tough.
As if the first blow wasn’t enough.
As if the punch didn’t run so deep.
As if the cause didn’t make me weep.
But the initial mark fades to a fleshy tone...
Not to be seen,
Not to be shown.
Now it hurts again
Though no one can see,
Just below the surface
Are the black and blues of agony.
An occurrence not easily abandoned -
Cannot let go of the creation or the creator.
The sting now burning in memory.
The bruises show up later.

Never Nothing

Never Nothing
AK January 2009

You asked me,
I shrugged.
So you walked away.
Somehow, I think you knew
I wasn’t really “okay”.
Couldn’t today pull out my mask.
You might have understood
But it was too much to ask.
So I tried to tell you
That nothing was wrong.
You’d go away
If my tone sounded strong.
But I didn’t want you to leave...
I wanted to spill.
Yet you let me be
When I assured you still.

But it’s never nothing.
Always something.
Don’t let me tell you
Everything’s fine.
I promise you,
Guarantee you,
The answer to “what’s wrong?”
Is never nothing.
It’s always something.
There’s never nothing on my mind.

I don’t think you bought my pathetic attempts
To convince you there was nothing going on,
Going on where my thoughts are kept.
But you gave me the space,
Hugged and turned away.
Figuring I would come to you
If I had something to say.
But my insides were screaming
A second away from a burst
One more push,
One more gentle prod,
And my “nothing”
Would have leaked the words of my hurt.

Because it’s never nothing.
Always something.
Please don’t let me tell you
Everything’s fine.
I promise you,
Guarantee you,
The answer to “what’s wrong?”
Is never nothing.
It’s always something.
There’s never nothing on my mind.

Make-Believe

Make-Believe
AK January 2009

Just a game of pretend.
Open up my wooden chest,
Put all my costumes to the test.
I can be whoever I want to be.
Put on a smile;
Make-believe reality.

Some-one, prove to me,
That I’m going to make it.
Some-one, tell me,
It’s all just a big mistake.
Some-one, give me,
A reason to wake up.
Some-one, shake me,
Before I make-believe this whole life away.

Doesn’t matter if you see through my façade.
I am what my outfit says.
For as long as I make-believe
I’ll be the princess in the castle;
I’ll be the elegant lady serving tea.
I’ll force you
To come in and play my game.
So I can see my fantasized world
And you can agree you see the same.

Some-one, prove to me,
That I’m going to make it.
Some-one, tell me,
It’s all just a big mistake.
Some-one, give me,
A reason to wake up.
Some-one, shake me,
Before I make-believe this whole life away.

If I can imagine,
I’ll never have to be me again.
If I can feign passion
Long enough to just get by
If I can pretend
The dedication is real
Then maybe, somebody will think I’m alive.

Some-one, prove to me,
That I’m going to make it.
Some-one, tell me,
It’s all just a big mistake.
Some-one, give me,
A reason to wake up.
Some-one, shake me,
Before I make-believe this whole life away.