Never Nothing

Never Nothing
AK January 2009

You asked me,
I shrugged.
So you walked away.
Somehow, I think you knew
I wasn’t really “okay”.
Couldn’t today pull out my mask.
You might have understood
But it was too much to ask.
So I tried to tell you
That nothing was wrong.
You’d go away
If my tone sounded strong.
But I didn’t want you to leave...
I wanted to spill.
Yet you let me be
When I assured you still.

But it’s never nothing.
Always something.
Don’t let me tell you
Everything’s fine.
I promise you,
Guarantee you,
The answer to “what’s wrong?”
Is never nothing.
It’s always something.
There’s never nothing on my mind.

I don’t think you bought my pathetic attempts
To convince you there was nothing going on,
Going on where my thoughts are kept.
But you gave me the space,
Hugged and turned away.
Figuring I would come to you
If I had something to say.
But my insides were screaming
A second away from a burst
One more push,
One more gentle prod,
And my “nothing”
Would have leaked the words of my hurt.

Because it’s never nothing.
Always something.
Please don’t let me tell you
Everything’s fine.
I promise you,
Guarantee you,
The answer to “what’s wrong?”
Is never nothing.
It’s always something.
There’s never nothing on my mind.