Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Little Steps

When talking to friends – especially ones about to do something big or in the middle of something big or stressing about something big...or small for that matter – I use one of two common phrases: “deep breaths” or “little steps”. For me they both carry a lot of weight.

When I say “deep breaths”, I’m not just saying “get some air; slow down; pause for just a moment”...although I am...I am also saying “remember your Life Source; remember what and Who gives you life...and rest in that for a second”.

And when I say “little steps”, I’m not just saying “little bit by little bit; you’ll get there; pace yourself; one piece at time”...although I am...I am also saying “little steps slow you down and make you focus on the path as well as the destination. Little steps force you to consider what it means to be faithful”.

This morning was a big morning for me. Sometimes – often times – I can be very self critical. Self instructions are commands, demands. “Anika! You WILL stop acting like this! Get your act together! Stop being stupid!” I may call names. Today I found myself talking to me as if I were a friend (maybe because my initial demands weren’t cutting it!) and became a little more encouraging, a little more soothing. “Anika, girl, deep breaths. Come on, you can do it, deep breaths...” (I wasn’t really breathing well and my heart was racing so fast I thought I was going to pass out). “Slow down. There you go. Alright. Keep going. Little steps, girl, this is just a little step. You aren’t mad dashing, you’re just stepping forward. See where that step leads and then go onto the next one. That a girl.” Slowly but surely my pulse started to come down to a healthy range.

And then I began to contemplate the events, conversation of my morning. Began to realize where every little step had taken me. Realizing the little step I took at the end was off a loading dock and onto a moving train. One small step would take me much farther than my initial little step could have anticipated. Possibly farther and faster than I was ready. Sometimes little steps hold the greatest distance. I don’t think I realized this – nor did I think I was prepared for this. My breathing quickened once again and I felt sick to my stomach. “Oh no...How did I get myself into this? What do I do?” My list of questions began to come up to the tip of my head, my tongue, and I wanted to spew them all. They were my insecurities, my worries...I had no time to deal with them! This is why you take baby steps! This train would take me past them with no opportunity to wonder if it would interfere until it was too late.

But I can. I can’t pre anticipate my journey...I took a little step, not a mad dash towards a destination. Little steps mean I deal them as I approach the stop and not before. “Focus on the path and deal with the questions as they arise. Allow this to be an opportunity to be faithful. Further, allow this to be a time where you allow God to prove himself faithful. Just breathe, deep breaths, remember your Life Source and rest in knowing your little steps with long distance will bring you slowly to where you need to be...”