A head start on the holidays? THANKS, I think I will.

This comic has been a popular this year. Originally posted by at least four of my facebook friends. And I? I immediately fell in love with this sarcastic slap to Christmas’ face by Thanksgiving.

In all actuality, I think Thanksgiving and Christmas could be close friends. Thanksgiving holds no weight without the gift of Christmas. Let’s be real, those pilgrims knew precisely WHO they were thanking in the midst of their thankfulness. And while Christmas doesn’t NEED Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving (if nothing else and only in it’s modern display) helps to refocus Christmas on what actually matters.

But the latter, in fact, feeds the dilemma. With Christmas getting closer and closer to the 4th of July every year and with commercialism the way it is, it is only a matter of time before stores play year-round Christmas music instead of just-around-the-clock for the month of December.

And with gifts to be thought of, budgeted for, and bought. With the stores lined with the reds, greens, hollies, and gingerbreads of the seasons. With the air cold and the snow beginning to fall and the look of little kids bundled like snow bunnies making you wish for the smell of a pine tree...lit as you sip hot cocoa in front of a fire. With projects to be had and parties and engagements to fill your calendar...the sum total of the whole makes it hard not to get swept up into the list of holiday things to do. I, myself, decided to participate in the staff-wide Secret Santa at work which begins this week...and comes with the thoughts of stockings and holiday scheming. And isn’t separate from three dates to put onto my Christmas social calendar. And then it blew my mind to realize that Thanksgiving is but a little more than a week away.

I didn’t forget...but I had violated my own carnal rule. I had allowed Christmas to get in the way of Thanksgiving. There is a reason that the above turkey with some hutzpuh, telling Santa boy what’s what did more than make me chuckle. Almost yearly I go on a rant about the irony of a holiday set aside for the purpose of THANKS being sandwiched between a far too (in my opinion) hyped ‘holiday’ which glorifies self, self presentation, and demands for sweets, treats, and a thrill and another holiday which is becoming further and further removed from its roots and often is seen kneeling down to the gods of commercialism and greed. With me standing between two mirrors I’ve set up facing each other to make me look good, is it really any wonder I miss Thanksgiving in the process?

I don’t want to miss Thanksgiving. And so I thought I’d do something novel...something WalMart hasn’t quite thought up yet. I thought I’d get a head start on Thanksgiving. You know, beat the holiday rush so that I don’t have to do all of my giving of thanks on one day when the stress is high. Instead I’d like to recognize that every day and every moment leaves an opportunity for a personal holiday...where the notion of giving thanks seems like the only viable option. I considered the fact that most of my list probably sounds a lot like other people’s but also thought that if I got started now...that maybe I would have a semi-legitimate list by Thanksgiving instead of whatever was “left on the racks to wrap” so to speak by waiting to do my “holiday shopping” so late. And so, if you don’t mind, kindly take your tinsel and wrapping paper and butt out Christmas...I have some thanking to do.


I’m thankful...

For a Jesus who loves me despite my mess. Who holds me on the good days and the bad. Who knows I suck, Who knows where I stumble, Who realizes I am a massive screw up with issues too great to name...and He loves me anyway. For the salvation and the relationship that is mine despite my complete lack of deserving...

For a family that continues to be there for me hands down. For brothers that make me laugh...who fix things and find things and give really good hugs for no reason at all. For sisters who listen and talk and with whom I can be completely myself. For a mom who still cries every time I leave to go back to work and who checks in and answers all of my medical questions and who loves so intentionally on people... For a dad who leads his family and protects it...who listens to my silly questions and rants and who still wants to take care of his grown up little girl.

For friends who have taken the time to get under my skin. To see the places of brokenness that lies beneath the surface and decide that I am worth their time anyway. The ones who walk beside me. Who care, who listen, who talk, who laugh, who do life, who point me closer to Jesus, who teach me how to trust, who make me a better me.

For a job that has long days and long hours and not the world’s largest paycheck...but my needs are met. My job is never boring and it has challenged me out of my comfort zone and back into pieces of “Anika” that I forgot existed. It gives me the ability to be intentional and opportunity to love on people for no reason at all. And furthermore, I’m thankful for my coworkers. (A specific shout-out to Megan Murphy who makes me smile and whom I accidently claimed was in my blog when I meant to say “blob”. Now it’s official. :D) We’re a strange bunch and, up-close, and unlikely gathering of individuals but my coworkers encourage and propel. We try hard to be there for each other. Watching the selfless way my coworkers give of themselves in their own unique ways to our young charges, compels me.

For food to eat and a warm bed to sleep in. For the ability to shower every morning and brush my teeth every night. For legs and arms that move and eyes that see and ears that hear. For sunshine to brighten days and rain to heal the ground. For a child’s laughter and a baby’s cry. For the wisdom of someone my elder. For freedom of speech, of religion...of praise. For a tedious laundry day because I have too many clothes and giant messes because I have too much stuff. For good cups of coffee with good friends...a combination to warm the soul. For the student loans I hate paying back because I have a degree. For the scar across my neck and the faithfulness of Jesus in the story behind it.

For far more than I continue to list at this moment...but may the list I started only continue to grow and become more and more specific as the next ten days build up to the joy that is not the beginning of the holiday season but the holiday that celebrates a season and a lifestyle of gratitude and thanks.


“Gratitude is one of the most telling signs of attitude. Or maybe vice versa. The moment I take time to appreciate, the moment I realize I can’t be both bitter and thankful too...”

Applications Now Accepted

My last blog post was an honest one.  Not that any previous haven’t been honest...my last one just left me a little exposed.  It was honesty with my shield missing.  While I am not sure why I felt the need to post what initially began as personal processings, I did.  And it was freeing.  It was letting go of some false pretenses and shouting from, basically, my most public venting ground, “I’m not perfect!  In fact, I don’t even know if I’m even okay!  I don’t care if you know if it is the truth!”  It was, perhaps strangely, refreshing and revitalizing to have others text and message without solutions but with words that just basically said “me too”.  Like I wasn't alone.  And as if somehow in being honest and a little vulnerable, I had allowed others to do the same. 

That being said, I decided to be strangely honest again.  I, again, am not quite sure what posting this honesty will solve or if I really want it to accomplish anything.  And, tomorrow, I will probably regret it and the potential results but, for today, I am going to be bold.  [Bear with me through yet one more piece of following explanation...]

I have a couple key friends who challenge me. (You’re probably saying “great!  That’s what friends are for!” Correct.  But keep reading.)  They challenge me in ways that matter and encourage me to be about more and better and truer and all of those great things, but they also challenge the core of who I am.  And by challenge, I mean they do things like put up a fight against my Superman complex.  My desire to come in and save the day, to be a hero in your world when you need one the most.  I’ve come to grips, in small ways, with what it means to forgive Superman.  To forgive myself for when I can’t be everyone’s everything.  And my friends, knowing me, know that I will not easily let go of an opportunity to still act upon it.  It is part of who I am.  They don’t expect me to stop my superman complex or not rush in to save the day if at all I can. Now they just want me to be healthy about it. 

Their favorite question? It goes something like... “So, that’s fine, but who is your ‘Anika’?  Who is your superman?  Who is there like that for you?” 

I like to be rhetorical and say things like...  “You’re listening to me and you’re intentional right now, so...you?”  They have to give me at least some minor legitimacy points.  If they intend to be intentional in my life like that, they’re probably that day’s version of superman for me.  [I just chalked up my own score points, for the record.]

And yet, [here is where the next stage of honesty comes in; brace yourselves], if I am being truthful with them and myself, they aren’t enough.  Not always. 

I spent several hours talking to my best friend last week (far too late into the night and early morning hours I might add).  We started by venting a couple frustrations and I ended in an all-out ranting tirade of my life.  I wish I could say I was bemoaning world hunger and war and disease but it was far pettier a matter.  Kind of pathetic actually. And I went from rant to jealous tirade...because she made a comment about running a frustration [that had come up in our discussion] past her mentor. 

She runs a lot past me and I past her and there are not too many secrets we keep from each other...but she still has a mentor.  Someone older and wiser and grounded who knows her and knows enough of her story to be intentional.  Someone who seeks her out just to check in.  Who gives advice and counsel from a place removed from situations and her job and her immediate life based solely on what is known about her, about Jesus, about the world.  I was jealous.

I wanted one. 

Not a want like you see an awesome Crockpot on an infomercial and you consider how handy it would be and so you add it to your Christmas list in case your mom wants a great idea. You would probably use it if you had it around, after all.

No, a want that is almost more of a need.  It’s not.  Not really.  I can live without one.  But it is becoming a very real and deep desire.  Not a necessity but if I had a legit one, I feel as if I would probably question how I could live without them.  I’m at that stage in my life where I have to agree with my well-meaning friends.  I could use someone to be my ‘Anika’.  My superhero. Someone I could call on a bad day or ask to do coffee and know they would have sound advice or at least a listening ear.

My friend and I are pretty close in age, I being just a couple years older, and I trust her with a great deal and can rely on her listening ear and genuine advice but in my tirade I told her she didn’t cut it and explained why I needed more.  That I needed someone who had lived through more than I had.  Who could give advice based on life and experience.  Someone who was inside my life personally but an objective outsider to my life as a whole.  Someone I could come to grips with the fact that I could care about them and their life but for once it wouldn’t be an Anika investment or even a mutual I-feed-into-you/you-feed-into-me relationship.  Instead I would just accept the fact that this relationship would, to me, feel more one-sided...me on the receiving end.    

But I feel pretty stuck in the whole matter.  For as many young and younger people I’ve mentored for times and seasons over the years...I don’t know where to begin.  I, myself, have never actually had a mentor.  I’ve been the mentor but I really don’t know how this all works. Where does one find a mentor?  Do I send out a link to the website with the job description and let people know that applications are now available?  Do I find them or do they find me?  Should I ask for a resume and cover letter or just have them fill out the questionnaire? 

I have this list of extensive specifications (I’ve been told by peers it is fair but again, never done this.) which I feel like cancels out any I can think to be the willing and puts me into a realm of unknown which negates one of my specifics.  Sketch, I know, but true.  Hence the application (which I realize no one would actually fill out if I were to actually create it) seems like the best option.  (Can you Craig’sList something like this??).

I need someone (and when I say someone...I’m really saying someone female.  I guess I could have a guy mentor but something tells me my life would better be understood and communicated back to me by a chick) older and wiser.  Older is somewhat relative though also concrete (I’m 23, older is clearly nothing less than 24 although I would love a few more years than that, although not excessively more.  I need someone still relevant).  Wiser is a little more subjective.  And I need someone I have a connection to...I don’t want to build a relationship from the ground up so that when it gets legit and/or natural enough, mentorship can begin.  I need them outside my day-to-day life so that they can be subjective about my day-to-day life.  I need someone who will sit and listen to my life story from start to finish – potentially for hours – and possibly say little more than asking for clarifying questions or asking for more details as I got it all out...so they would have to have a base understanding of all the reasons I tick the way I do.  They need to love Jesus (given) because I can’t and won’t take life advice from someone who doesn’t but I also need someone who will challenge my relationship with Christ and feed the fact that I like to think intelligently about matters of faith and discuss things from a deeper end.  I need someone moderately accessible and someone I would feel comfortable calling with a question or asking to talk or to do coffee or texting saying “pray for me today – it’s rough”.  And I need someone who is willing to take the time on me.  Who sees me as worth the investment... 

Not a small list.  Not a small job description.  Applications aren’t actually available (of course) but I think I am on the lookout, and the prayout (that is a personal word I’ve created to describe when I begin to pray with intention about something), for that “someone”.  The someone who will be nothing more and nothing less than exactly the person God knows I need and whom He will place in my life not a second before or after the time I am ready accept it.  Yeah.  

*This might be as honest as life gets in my blog for a while.  So breathe easy, a sigh of relief perhaps. I’ll return to our normal programming soon.  It is just always a bit of a surprise if you’re going to endeavor towards my abandoned scrawls...