It was the bane of my childhood existence. The beginnings of the qualms and stirrings of
what would scream on my inside to fight for the underdog…
That silly and stupid rabbit!
It was the Trix commercial of endless story lines with the
same depressing conclusion. Oh! How the
rabbit just longed for a bowl of over sugared fruit shaped deliciousness! (I grew up in the 90’s, yo. We had Trix shaped like the fruit it was
supposedly emulating in flavor. None of
this ball shaped jazz. Psh.) He would
daydream and fantasize. And he would have
that bowl in his clutches. He would
always come so close! And then, just
about the moment when he would ready to take the first coveted bite, some
cheery animated child would snatch away the bowl. Then, with a bit a mockery and perfect
correction, the children scold the longing rabbit.
“Silly Rabbit! Trix
are for Kids!”
Oh, I always hated these commercials! (Much the same way
something about the “RoadRunner” cartoons always managed to arise my juvenile
angst and anxiety). I just, one time,
just one time…I just wanted one of those snotty nosed smiling children to turn
to the rabbit and say “try this! You’ve
worked so hard trying to obtain this bowl.
Please, let me just give it to you! Here, let me share it with
you!” Gah! How I would have LOVED if the Trix Rabbit
could have gotten what he was after just one time.
Silly Rabbit…
Good ol’ Anika.
Rooting for the underdog.
Sort of.
But not really.
I truly believe, now years after such a commercial plagued
my childhood existence, I just really related to that silly rabbit. And have ever since. I wanted the rabbit to obtain what he was
after because I wanted to obtain what I was after. How often and how eager I am for the things
which were and are never mine to hold!
My chases have recurring themes. Lately, for example, I want to KNOW. My brother and I have had a couple really
legit conversations in the last couple of weeks and our convo time has included
the facts of the lives we currently know – especially in relationship to the
futures we wish knew. How I envy people
with five and ten year plans! How I envy
those with specific dreams and aspirations!
I wish I had a documentable goal.
Those people have road maps! They
don’t always end up where they expected to go.
And if they do they rarely took the route they first intended would get
them there. But in my limited view on
the world, at least they know! They, at
the very least, know what they want.
I, I don’t know what I want.
I don’t know that I ever have. I
very honestly wants what God wants. But
He tends to speak in very vague and general categories. And I, I want to know!
I want to know where to go and where to head. I want to know what to say and what to
do. I want to know what to plan and
how. I want to know what the future
holds or what it could. I want to know
where I should be investing my time and I want to know where I should be using
my talents and resources. I want to know
whether to stay or whether to search. I
want to know…
Silly Anika…
I’ve been reading recently in the Old Testament. Specifically in Exodus. But the stories have reminded me of other
stories and other accounts. So many
times those God called to be a people of His own, sought after things that
weren’t theirs to have. They were a
people who want things of His hand and not of His heart. They were constantly chasing after things God
had already said “no” to. And just about
the time they caught whatever they thought they were after, God would reveal to
them exactly why He told them “no”.
There had been a reason. But the
Israelites were a disobedient, rebellious, and foolish people.
Much as I am…
Trix are for Kids!
Adam and Eve partook of the Tree of Good and Evil. The temptation which eventually created their
demise was to be like God rather than with God.
They chose imitation over intimacy.
The serpent tells them that God has instructed them to never eat of the
tree because then they will know…
Knowing was the first temptation. Thanks to Adam and Eve, I know the depth of
my nakedness, the depth of my shame. The reality of the difference between what
is and what should be. But I am still
desperate to know…
I fret and I worry. I
create and I conjure. I once learned
that the best worriers are typically very creative people. Who else could devise the intricate
ridiculousness which is contrived by an expert worrier? I remember learning such a bit of
information, knowing the extent to which I worried, and patted myself on the
back and sat a little straighter in the pride of realization at the creativity
of which I must be capable! And then I
slouched and sighed at the reality of the actuality…
Worry is based in the want to know. In the inability to be able to grasp just
exactly what is. Because I don’t know, I
worry. No wonder I chase…
I want to have it all figured out. People who have it all figured out are given
earthly praise and rewards. But just
about the time I think I’ve got it all figured out, God switches it up on
me. Or, more accurately, I tune in to
where God’s already got it figured out and realize, once again, the things thought were in my clutches really weren’t
mine to have.
Isaiah 55:7-8 says “‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the LORD. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so
are my ways higher you’re your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts…’”
The things I’ve got all figured out aren’t necessarily the
things God’s long since had a handle on.
Sometimes I feel like just about the time I realize I, in fact, know
even less than I thought I knew before, I feel like I’m tapped on the shoulder
so gently and reminded: “Silly Anika,
Trix are for kids!” Okay, maybe not the
Trix part, exactly. But simply the
subtle implication that what I am holding wasn’t made for me to have.”
I guess that means I keep seeking. The rote and tired verses of Jeremiah 29:11
gives the confidence that for all I don’t know, God DOES. “For I know the plans I have for you…” He
tells His people after giving them instructions to be faithful in the places
where they found themselves. But His
promise comes with instructions that include a promise. “For when you seek me, I will be found by you
when you seek me with all of your heart.”
Seeking accompanies trust.
Oh, it can be done without trust.
But who would dare? Not this
worrier! They are needed together. Especially when it comes to knowing. Proverbs 3:5 and 6 have long since been two
of my most favorite and tested life verses.
A book which is about to continue in telling you many things which are
to make one wise and live well begins with the greatest of all wisdom and the
end to all pursuits. “Trust in the LORD
with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all of your ways acknowledge Him and He
will make your path straight.”
Later, in Matthew 6:33, instructions come about worry
(ironic, right) and how knowing shouldn’t be the pursuit. But trust should. (Trust brings understanding I think. And maybe understanding more trust?) And we’re told to continue seeking. But not for answers. Instead, mimicking Proverbs and Jeremiah,
Jesus says “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all of these
things will be given to you as well.”
So the life I want held in my clutches? The one I want so desperately to be in
control of and am ever being asked to let go of? I’m so close…and yet. Perhaps after all and still…it isn’t mine to
have…
“Silly Anika…This one is for Jesus…”
