Simple Victories

With a kink in my neck I allowed my head to fall back as far as it would go. At the end I felt the strained pull along the scar line on my neck. I was struck, suddenly, by the marvel of allowing my head to flop back. And remembered my many “mini marvels” the first couple months after surgery the ones that went clear until March...

There was such pain in my incision, and I had to adjust to the little things. I remembered the soreness of sleeping...on my back, on my side, on my stomach...for all put my head at an angle where my incision screamed in throbbing, shearing, pain. To tilt my head back – or forward, at all, was an impossibility – to sleep, to stretch, to pray or otherwise. A frequent Listerine user...my first subconscious attempt left me with tears in my eyes, choking, gagging, and gasping for air. It was so impossibly hard and it hurt so badly! And on top of it all...I had no voice for six weeks, six solid weeks where my loudest scream was a just-audible whisper.

And there was such excitement. I could hardly contain myself as week after week I would strive to put my head back just a little farther. The first night I could sleep naturally on a pillow was a near-miracle. I danced in the hallway the first time my voice cracked for more than a couple of words. And I again choked on the Listerine – only this time from laughter – when another hesitant try resulted in gargling. I cheered; I thanked God; I told everyone. They were simple victories, but victories none-the-less. And God was to have the glory in them too.

I wonder when I stopped looking for the simple victories in life. When I stopped thriving in even the small things and only paid attention to what I thought mattered... Have I lost sight of the little blessings, the mini marvels, God is throwing into my day? In so many ways I am desperately waiting for something big – something to shake my foundations, motivate me, compel me, inspire me – something complex, intricate. Am I let down in the search for the complex by ignoring the simple? When will I again give God the glory for all of my simple victories?