This Will Be My Epitaph – “I Tried Hard” (Week 4)

I haven’t had much time to even think about blogging in the last many days.

Let alone journal.

Let alone spend time with my devo.

Let alone spend time in my Bible.

Let alone spend any meaningful time with Jesus.

But with the realization that the week was coming quickly to a close...with my “blogging challenge” soon to be an apology note...I came across an interesting document.

Actually, I went looking for it on purpose.

It is my “Missional Eulogy”. During the first semester of my senior year of college I was in the final communications class of my minor when the assignment was to either write for ourselves a personal mission statement...or a eulogy. A eulogy being what others would say about how you lived your life and mission statement dictating how you would like to live your life. I asked for permission to combine them. My argument was that you should endeavor to live life reflecting the things you would want to be most true when you were gone. I wrote it terms of what I hoped would someday be said of me.

Who thought I’d use it again! I dug it out today as I attempted to make some life decisions. I couldn’t decide (and in fact have still not made a solid decision and have switched it to the complete opposite side with certainty, resolve, and clarity several dozen times). Something drew me back to my old assignment and I looked to see if I would find either choice contradicting my pre-established mission. It read:


Realizing only the short years I have lived and recognizing I can never be certain of the days left...

May it be said of me that I was a creation which knew and reflected her Creator. Just as a painting shows the heart of the painter, so may everything I do be an outsourcing of Christ’s work in me.

May I live as the friend, the daughter, the sister, the friend, the stranger who laughed often, listened intently, responded authentically, smiled genuinely, cared deeply, and loved unconditionally.

May I be known as the girl who lived honestly in her brokenness, free of masks which hide the reality and block out the Light which desires to flow out of me.

May others know me as one easy to trust, natural to confide in, ready to support, willing to lend a hand.

May my life speak to a call to “be a servant first and last.” Laying myself aside in humble obedience to my God and neighbor.

May I be the one eager to put on my armor to stand in line to help fight others’ battles. To become the protector of their worlds as little is harder than going up to fight and standing alone.

May I come to be the speaker and the writer whose words impact, motivate, influence, compel and change.

May I act and be known as the girl who functions out of perseverance, who “tries hard”, who gives her all and more than she has to every situation.

May that perseverance reflect a strive to utilize and conquer over every trial and every suffering. And together may they develop a strength of character which falls to hope. May hope drive everything I do.

I realize this week’s topic says “epitaph” (I’ll get there in a moment)...which is not the same as a eulogy...but I saw the two connected. They are both things I want to be true of me long after I have the opportunity to make a difference. I want them to drive the way I live my life.

In terms of my epitaph (tombstone inscription), my younger sister will easily note that it exists in the words above. I laugh and joke that I simply want written “I/She tried hard.” (Amelia finishes our joke by claiming she wants an arrow to my headstone with the words “me too”).

I try hard.

When I commit to something, I never commit half way. I want to give past what I have to give. In work, in family, in friendships, in endeavors, in my relationship with Jesus. Sometimes I fail (I hate to fail). But I often do (especially in terms of my relationship with Jesus and I hate that most of all). But I don’t want my success to be on my tombstone, just my attempt. Despite my perfectionist tendencies, the phrase “they can’t fault you for trying” has some merit in my life.

Because if I’m always trying...

Then I’m not giving up.

And if I’m not giving up...

Then I’m persevering.

God doesn’t ask me to be strong (or good or perfect or make the right decision 100% of the time), He asks me to be faithful. Always faithful. And in the faithfulness – which is so much harder than I can explain in a blog paragraph – I am to persevere. But it is not an end in its own.

Perseverance comes out of suffering and brings hope
(Romans 5:3-5/James 1:3)
Perseverance should always be an endeavor of love
(1 Corinthians 13:7)
Perseverance is worth boasting about
(2 Thessalonians 1:4)
Perseverance in the right areas saves
(1 Timothy 4:16)
Perseverance encourages
(Hebrews 10:19-25)
Perseverance takes endurance with eyes on THE prize
(Hebrews 12:1-2)
Perseverance is a refiner and finisher
(James 1:4/1:12)
Perseverance prohibits ineffectiveness in life and ministry
(2 Peter 1:5-9)
Perseverance is rewarded
Revelation 2:2,3,19)

When I run out of days to fill and breaths to take, I hope I’m known as one who “tried hard”, who persevered. I hope I live life in such a way as to be worthy of the words I some day want said of me. To be worthy of calling I have received (Ephesians 4:1)...by the One who wishes to be glorified in me and I in Him. May my perseverance bring to fruition every desire for goodness as I seek the face of the One who looks into mine (1 Thessalonians 1:11-12)