A Final Fairwell to the Jeans...

These were my “adventure” jeans.

My last remaining pair of oversized man jeans. (All during high school and into my first year and a half of college, I only bought pants from the men’s department)

I had my senior pictures taken in them. I moved into college in them. In them I’ve painted Arbor Games flags and stained decks. I’ve primed house trim and planted flowers and raked leaves. I’ve shoveled everything from dirt to manure to cement. They have been ripped and patched and, on more than one occasion, fallen directly to the ground while I was still in them. They’ve been costume pants and work pants and lounge pants. And most of all, they have been faithful.

To answer the question of “you wore those???” Yes. Yes I did. I somewhat embarrassedly admit that they were a bit snug when I bought them and four sizes to big on this the night that I burned them. And yes, I did wear them four sizes too big in much of their pictured condition. For as ridiculous as they now appear, please take heart in knowing they haven’t made a public appearance since spring of 2010 (and I think I was trying to be rebellious)...and it was in fact before the awkwardly placed new and un-patched hole.

However, after two years of people trying to convince me to ditch them, I finally bid them a sad farewell. I can’t say what took me so long – except that they were still wearable (in the loosest...and I do mean ‘loosest’...of terms). And, emotionally I was connected...they pointed to who I once was. In many ways the one whom I still believed myself to be. For better or worse (and yes, I do rotate between the two), it’s not who I am. On any account, they are no longer needed. It was time to say goodbye.

So dearest jeans – we’ve been through a lot together. It’s been a great 6 years. Thank you for your service...

So...

I decided such jeans needed to be ceremonially burned. Like a flag. On Memorial Day. It seemed appropriate enough. So I looked up flag burning guidelines and followed suit.

1. One flag should be selected as a representation of all flags (These pants as a representation of many things in my life? Perfect!)

2. Ceremony should be conducted out of doors (Check!)

3. Just before sunset, the flag flying all day is retired (at dusk, I brought my pants down to the fire circle)

4. Leader presents flag for destruction (you are supposed to have color guards, I skipped this part)

5. Leader comments about loyalty of flag (my words “these [flag] pants have served me well and long. They have worn to a condition in which they should no longer be used to represent...)


For the burning:

1. Assemble by fire (check)

2. Salute (check)

3. [Enter Amanda who is present as I light the hem of my pants, lying on the fire]

4. Sing National Anthem/God Bless America (Amanda, without prior knowledge, appropriately leads a rendition of “As we go on, we remember, all those times we, had together...)

5. [More words – just for affect and final goodbyes]

6. When flag is basically consumed, depart in silence one at a time (Amanda left)

7. Leader remains till the end (I stayed until I was bit 57 times and the jeans were no longer in flames)

8. Fire safely extinguished and ashes buried. (Bucket of water – check. I’ll bury ashes tomorrow!)