Attitude Adjustment

This week was a rough one.

I was tired. I was drained. The end of the season will do that to you.

To top it off, our kids were idiots. I might have, through the week, used the phrase “straight up retarded”. They were a little off the base the first half of the week and the group that came in the second? *Touched*. They were loud and disrespectful. They wouldn’t listen. And when they did? It was like they hadn’t as we repeated instructions yet another time for something simple and small. Their parents were cabin leaders and I felt like I could see where they got it from...

I thought maybe it was just me – my lack of desire to deal with their deals. Maybe I just sucked at life this week. I felt reassured and relieved to realize my coworkers – without commiserate – had come to the same conclusions. All of us were more than ready for our 200 bounding 5th graders to go home (within hours after they arrived, if I am really going to be honest).

Thursday I didn’t feel well. All day. It happens sometimes. I was also front and center stage all week as the Dining Room Supervisor. And I was whiny. Extra whiny. Physically checking out and working hard to try to make it at least looked like I was trying with these 5th graders I hated. After a full week and a day with five classes and a busy night still ahead, my inner (and natural) introvert was weeping. I needed an escape. And I might have hidden under the staff table for five minutes towards the end of dinner just to feel like that inner introvert was allowed to have some time.

I left Thursday dinner to get ready for square dance and I was grumpy. I had 7 minutes, no patience, no energy, and no desire. I walked past seven cabins to get to my own. One had a group of girls shrilling in high pitched voices – for fun. I scowled and my brow furrowed as I marched towards my house. “Go home. Just go home. All of you go home. I am tired. I am grumpy. And I feel like I am going to hurl. I don’t like you here. I don’t, actually, really like you. Shut up and leave!!”

My mental drama was met by own personal monologue.

“Anika, watch it...”
“Watch what?”
“Your attitude.”
“So what, I’m not allowed to be grumpy occasionally?”
“No, I’m telling you to make a choice. I know you’re tired. I know you don’t feel good...”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah...”
“I’m serious! Attitude adjustment!”
“Attitude, attitude, attitude...”

The very next words to come to my head and also my lips?

“Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus...”

Convicted much?

Maybe just a little. Or maybe just a lot as a grabbed a pen to write the familiar words from Philippians 2 on my arm.

I changed my clothes and hurriedly opened my bible to read through the verses. “Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus. Who, being the very nature of God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped but humbled himself, taking on the very nature of a servant...” (Phil 2:5-7)

Reality check = attitude adjustment?

My attitude hadn’t been at all like Jesus. There was no humility, no service. It was just about me. I was sick of kids. I didn’t feel well. I wanted time. I wanted to sleep. I wanted the kids to both shut up and magically become less stupid. I was whiny. I was irritable. I, I, I. Me, me, me.

There was no service or even a heart of service. I wasn’t serving my coworkers who were just as drained and tired as I and I definitely wasn’t serving campers or their parents or their teachers.

In trying to explain this at one point, I was told I was justified. Allowed to have off days and not expected to be perfect. While I am so thankful for those notes and the grace that abounds despite my glaring shortcomings – it still doesn’t excuse my need for an attitude adjustment. Just verses later and Philippians 2:14-15(and beyond) explain that when this attitude of Christ is displayed, when humility and service is mirrored, my response will not be grumbling but praise (missed that boat completely). We become as stars in the heavens, providing a light to a world that only knows blackness. What if my negative attitude made me miss my chance to be the only salt and light these kids ever see?

How do I adjust my attitude in such a way so that even on the worst of days, I am still carrying and taking on the attitude of Christ?

In all I do...
To honor You