Known and Loved?

Do you feel like you are known? Do you feel loved?

This has been a recurring question in my head (in the most interesting of ways) as I look into eyes of those around me (sometimes my own) for some time and especially over the last week or so...

About a month ago a friend and I talked about being “known and loved” as one of the greatest and truest needs. We were discussing teenagers but watching as our words translated to the human population as a whole.

Do you feel like you are known? Do you feel loved?

Not just known in that people can tell you your name and the fact that you are “nice” and maybe even the fact that your favorite color is green...but do they know you? Do they know real things? True things? Do they know what you love? What you hate? What makes your blood flow? What you’re passionate about? Places that hurt? Anything below the surface at all?

Not just loved in that they smile when they see you. Not just that they can tell you that they think “you’re great”. Not even that they might come to wrap you in an embrace from time to time. Are they intentional with you? Do they stick around for the good days and the bad? Do they listen selflessly and give sacrificially? Do you see an unconditional regard and acceptance?

Is there even an endeavor towards those things?

What about being known AND loved? Do people who know you still love you in and despite and because of what they know? Do people who claim to love you actually know real things?

Do you have people in your life who know and love you?

I hope so.
I pray so.

Those in my life who meet (or have been in my life for times and purposes and have met) those pieces of criteria have helped me glimpse at things bigger and greater. They’ve had the power to speak to my soul; to help me see something more; to encourage; to rebuke; to uplift; to challenge. To help me seek more fully the face of Christ...

Others agree.

Out-of-the-woodwork conversations (aka: “why are you bringing up the topic in my head that I haven’t told you about?”) this week have gone back to the original – that this is a need. A need that, with a healthily fulfilled end, would change the world. Would establish a sense of solidarity, community, accountability, and brother/sisterhood with one-another deep enough to impact in ways far beyond comprehension and intention.

This need finds itself linked to a profound desire. We want because we need and we need because we want. There is a longing inside of us to be loved and known like that. And yes, absolutely, we have it in Jesus. Without a doubt, without a question. If we forget this, we are not well off. And yet (yes, perhaps this is surprising to you) I have no intention to focus on that.

Why?

Because sometimes I get freaking frustrated with the people that say “yes, I have that in Jesus and that is all I need” and walk away.
No.
I mean, yes, true, but NO!
Paul says “Now, YOU are the body of Christ and EACH ONE of YOU are a part of it.” YOU are the hands. YOU are the feet. YOU are those still small touches. Jesus, yes...but YOU are a part of that body, HIS body. YOU are a part of that outsourcing. We can not claim a promise of God and then refuse to be the one to deliver it should we be so asked or instructed.

There is no reason people should not be able to look to other people to be known and loved. People need people to be known and loved. To be reminded of the ONE who knows and loves perfectly and without err.

We need to be that for each other. We need to be intentional. On purpose. Invested. Empowered. Deliberate. We have to be willing to get under people’s skin from time to time. We have to get out of our comfort zones, challenge others out of theirs. Live deeper and more meaningfully.

Because the longer we go without it, the more we pretend it doesn’t exist. You laugh, but I’m not kidding. Talk to people who have always heard but never seen or experienced snow. They honestly think it is a Michigan (for example as we see a lot of it) conspiracy – that we’ve made it up. The first time they encounter it, it blows their mind. We do the same thing. Being known and loved sounds legit enough and one can know they need it, know they desire it, but when you don’t see it – it’s easy to think it is a conspiracy of the cruel. Propaganda at best.

[Why aren’t we blowing people’s minds with the reality of it??]

We begin to compensate for it. Either the pain of its absence is too hard and so we bury attempts to know and love, the hopes for the same: assume it doesn’t exist or act like it never will. Or, we substitute. It occurred to me in a couple different situations this week where, with people I thought I was known and loved, I was merely "recognized and appreciated". How often is this true of most? How often do we allow it to mask and replace what we really need, truly desire?

It is similar, isn’t it? To be recognized and appreciated makes one think they are known and loved. “I’m like a celebrity! Everyone is familiar with my face when they see it and their own face lights up and they are even going to come talk to me for a minute or two. And then, as I talk to them and ask them about their life...they are going to thank me for that note I sent a month ago. They are going to tell me I’m wonderful. Maybe even use the words ‘I just love you’ and then the conversation ends and I smile thinking about how much I like people!” And then I walk away trying to understand why there is an empty space screaming inside. Like going for a glass of soda and realizing the bottle went flat. Because being recognized and appreciated plays like being known and loved – but it’s not the same thing. It’s not. And it leaves you wanting the real thing or pretending it’s enough.

I feel like the longer we allow ‘recognized and appreciated’ to be our most satisfactory replacement for what it means to be known and loved, the further we’ll be from ever making a difference. I feel like this is the answer, the open door, the step to the next step. And I feel like probably, in the end “yeah, but do you know what you’re asking?” will probably win. Convenience and ease have a way of beating things that have a tendency to echo true.

I feel like this is the point where I should be reaching some profound conclusion or offering some compelling challenge. But all I’ve got is all I’ve said. My concern is that if we don’t start to do something soon, if nothing changes...then nothing will change.