Trust Falls...

When I say “trust fall” my guess is you know exactly what I am talking about. A favorite of leadership summits and teambuilding activities at every age, the trust fall consists of at least two people. The first stands steady and sure behind the second who rolls back on their heels with their arms across their chest and falls into the waiting arms of person number one before there is an opportunity to plummet to the ground. The second must trust that the first won’t fail. Won’t drop them. Won’t forget to put their hands out. Won’t let them down.

Sometimes I feel like life, and more specifically my relationship with God, is one giant trust fall.

Trust.

I am terrible at trusting. The trust fall? I’ve never mastered it. I always willingly stood steady and sure behind anyone who needed my strong arms, but any time I’ve gone for the fall, I stumble. I catch myself. I can rely on me. I can’t rely on you. I never realized how much that very literal exercise transcended into my very present life. How little of myself I let others hold. The guilt I feel when they do. The way in which I would go in with the aim to trust and pull back before the free fall could land me somewhere I feared, somewhere I couldn’t see.

But God says: trust. Not just people...although I am learning slowly and definitely that I have to be willing to do this too...but first and especially, Him.

I began a brief (and also limited) search into my bible for the word trust and came up with a few initial observations. First, trustworthiness is a character of God. God can be trusted. It is in His nature. It is who He is. It is a reason for thanks. A reason for praise. It is something to be imitated. Second, the innate character of God should never be questioned. And so, there is always a consequence – natural or punishment – when God is not trusted. Finally, trust and obedience go hand in hand. We are called to trust and obey, admonished when we don’t do both.

There are more observations to make and much to be said about each of the above but mostly, in my brief scan, it became evident that the trust I claimed was lacking if present at all. When I find I haven’t obeyed or claim I don’t know how to, I also haven’t trusted. More discouraging yet, my actions doubt and question the character of God. I stood back in disgust at this initial realization and had the following conversation:

[Indignantly] “I do too! I do trust You!”

“You do?”

“Well I try. And at least I don’t doubt that You are trustworthy! I don’t deny your character even though I sometimes try to catch myself...”

“Really? Because you don’t act on that knowledge and then you blame me when things go your way...”

“But...”

“Do you really trust me?”

“Yes. I do. I trust you. I think...”

“Anika, listen. Do you trust me? Do you really trust me? If you trust me...then come closer. If you trust me...then wait. If you trust me...then know my forgiveness. If you trust me...then accept my love. If you trust me...then expect me not to fail you. If you trust me...then freefall knowing I stand ready to catch you. If you trust me...then drop the burden you’re holding and let me hold it, hold you. If you trust me...then let me hold you. I ask you one more time...Do you trust me?”

I was humbled to realize I didn’t. “No. I don’t trust You. Not if this is even part of the criteria. I don’t. But I want to...”


I know God’s strength. Intimately. Genuinely. Absolutely. But, as my own previously penned words express “How can I possibly triumph the strength of the arms I have never allowed to carry me?” Or never allowed to catch me. I still stand in front of His ready, sure, and guaranteed presence doubting He’ll catch me if I fall towards where I know He is waiting. And yet, I am asked to trust. I want to. "Oh for grace to trust him more..."


The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him. Psalm 28:7

But I trust in you, Lord; I say “You are my God.” Psalm 31:14