A friend told me today that I needed to learn how to be vulnerable. How to honestly open myself up to others' care and concern. How to be willing to admit my deepest hurts.
I'm not there yet. I don't know if I ever will be. It's just not safe. But I am going to try and start. To experiment in vulnerability. I thought my blog would be a coward's out for being willing to open myself up without anyone having to know.
So tonight, in my vulnerability, I admit...
I am desperate for a hug.
Not an "okay, bye!" hug, not a "real quick as I leave" hug, not a weak hug, not a side lean hug.
A real hug.
I need to be hugged.
Furthermore, I need to be held.
I need someone who will take me in tight arms and not let go for...a while.
And possible, just maybe, if I can work myself up to it, cry. Because it is about time I did that one too.
But the only ones I can think to ask for any of that are no where near what I can access. And those I can access I can't ask.
So instead I'll just make an admittance of my longing to be held...
1 comment:
I'm not even sure I remember how I got here. I started reading something on Ariel's facebook and somehow I ended up here. But, it was a God thing. :) A warm fuzzy, inner hug kinda God thing. I can't tell you how nearly word-for-word this is to a journal entry I wrote ages ago--years in fact. And I think of where I am now physically, emotionally, situationally. On one hand this was an incredible encouragement for me. On the other, a challenge. I will be faithfully praying for you...whether you receive this or not...knowing that God will work in you, your heart, and your life that same miracles I've seen in mine, and even greater still in both of us. A mentor once told me (as a teenager who went literally years without any physical touch) that "when you feel the wind in your face that is a hug straight from Jesus, surrounding you in his love." I still can't held but grin when I'm in a windstorm. I hope you can feel his holding you too.
Beth Hays
Post a Comment