Last week, much to my amazement and surprise (and hers as
well, I believe!), I ran into a college professor. Perhaps this wouldn’t have been such a
surprising interaction if our run-in hadn’t taken place at the camp where I happen to be currently employed and
where she happens to have been coming
with a church for the last 25 years. The
surprise, for me, was met with delight.
Though a professor outside of my “field of study”, and my professor for
a very specific “class” (namely the class which led into and included a three
week stay in Uganda ),
my memories attest to a fondness. Not
just a fondness built out of an admiration, although such is most definitely
present as she was and is a remarkable lady, but a fondness rooted in appreciation.
I wondered, after connecting for a few minutes, if I had
ever expressed as a student, or if there was a good way to express now, such
appreciation. Had I thanked her for
meeting with me prior to the class to confide in her the reality of my life and
ensure the trip would be plausible? Did
I thank her for the intentionality before she really knew me; insisting my soon
to be “team” prayed for me as I returned from a second surgery? Does she know how much it meant to me that
she checked in with me pretty specifically about a couple key things during our
trip… that while I couldn’t find a way to confide in her about everything, the
fact she noticed meant the world?
Not unrelated, almost a month ago, I was able to reconnect
with the “older” couple who “hosted” me in their home the summer after my
freshman year of college. Shy and
awkward and introverted as a way of life and not a personality trait, I’m sure
I was an odd addition to their basement that summer. As I strove to work with their church’s
office and children’s ministry and servant evangelism programs as an intern, I
learned a great deal about leadership and initiative and impact. My summer internship was catalyst in changing
my entire educational and life trajectory.
While I wouldn’t say we “bonded”, I do still hold them both dear and am
terribly grateful for their willingness to invest in me. To, as a result, invest in who I was and who I was becoming. I know I thanked them then. But do they really know? Do they really have any idea?
Appreciation. Gratitude.
Thanks.
I grew up instilled with the power of the words “please” and
“thank you”. I know them to be magic
words. And I know that while “please”
can often be the magic word to getting what you want; “thank you” is often the
set of magic words which give meaning to what was given. As a “grown up”, I’ve come to see that the
most powerful “thank you’s” are in return for gifts the giver didn’t always
know he or she had bestowed.
My life has been full of these gifts. My unique experiences have given opportunity
for people to be in and give into my life in ways, some for but a moment, for
which I have attempted to communicate gratitude and yet I know I’ve fallen
short. For some I didn’t always see the
gift for what it was until it was too late to thank effectively. Or I was afraid of it being awkward. Or, I don’t know. How do you thank some one for giving you
something which had an impact they had no idea about? I hope I tried, awkward though it may have
been. And yet, I feel the weight of a
dozen unsung thank you’s. So while I
can’t possibly cover them all, know that if I don’t cover “our story”
specifically, this thank you is for you…
This thank you is for you…for the individual who came out of
the woodwork as an intentional connection for but mere moments. Several scattered throughout a given year
over the course of several. Someone who
affirmed postscript the work I had done with camping and who invited me to
share in new ways…both publicly in ministry and privately as an individual. Who, in a very unimportant manner of ways, pointed to
“tools with the tags still on” in my toolbox of gifts and graces and handed me
some projects with which to use them.
For encouraging me as an individual and as one called to be active in
ministry…thank you.
This thank you is for you…for the friend to whom my deepest
secrets became known. Who held my
confessions carefully as the broken offering they were. Who listened without judgment. Who supported without question. Who bore the weight of my secrecy so I could
be strong enough to fight the things which haunted me. For holding things and me when there was
little I could give back, for time and for friendship…thank you.
This thank you is for you…for the trip leader who stayed
intentional in the short weeks post the return from Puerto
Rico . The one who heard me
nonchalantly explain my weekend plans and who asked me what I was going to do
for Anika; if I had time to take care of me in the midst of the insanity before
me. The one who caught me off-guard by being the first to call out the attempt I made to be superhero and to do it all and be it all
and challenged it (on the missions trip and after). For beginning to see past a mask to the core
of who I was before I was at a spot in life to let that mask down…thank you.
This thank you is for you...for the college classmate who became an unlikely friend. The one with whom I had nothing in common (or so I thought). The one with whom I had no thought of our paths ever crossing in any meaningful way outside of a major or a Kono class...but they did. The one with whom very little life was ever "done with" but who much life was once or twice discussed with... The one with whom false pretenses could be dropped and each of us could be allowed the ability and freedom to be real. For long chats and personal affirmation and an unlikely friendship...thank you.
This thank you is for you...for the college classmate who became an unlikely friend. The one with whom I had nothing in common (or so I thought). The one with whom I had no thought of our paths ever crossing in any meaningful way outside of a major or a Kono class...but they did. The one with whom very little life was ever "done with" but who much life was once or twice discussed with... The one with whom false pretenses could be dropped and each of us could be allowed the ability and freedom to be real. For long chats and personal affirmation and an unlikely friendship...thank you.
This thank you is for you…for the RD who was sort-of-my-boss-but-not my senior year of college. The
one who listened to me talk about where God had been showing up in the midst of
the life that hurt. For asking
intentional questions and giving intentional responses. For allowing me to pour out my soul on the
sidewalk between Apartments A and B. For
affirmation and genuineness…thank you.
This thank you is for you…for the classmates who picked me
up at my apartment and forcefully demanded I get in their car and drove me to
the ER when they thought I had appendicitis (but I was "too busy" to get it checked out).
The ones who were willing to put their own commitments aside on the
chance I might need some convincing. For making someone outside of your normal
circle of friends a priority…thank you.
This thank you is for you…for the male classmate who, upon
awkwardly hearing my afore-mentioned “appendicitis scare” was actually an
ovarian cyst the size of a tennis ball, took it upon himself to check in
daily. For asking sincerely if there was
anything he could do to make it better and who, when finding out it simply
needed to burst, would greet me across the plaza by mock shooting his own side
and aiming his finger gun at mine. For
making me laugh and for caring genuinely about something you couldn’t possibly
understand…thank you.
This thank you is for you…for the college professor whose
9am class I fell asleep in religiously during my first semester of cancer
treatment. The one to whom I attempted
to apologize to but who instead apologized to me for not meeting me to pray
over me sooner. Who told me quick naps
or not I was still rightfully earning the “A” I was receiving in his challenging
class. For grace and understanding…thank
you.
This thank you is for you…for the friend who stopped what he
was doing with his core group of friends to check in on me when I first got
sick (but I didn’t know what was wrong yet). The
one who lost the race to ask if I had heard anything new and if there was
anything he could do. The one who prayed
for me there in the middle of campus.
The one who came to visit me in the hospital while I was still hopped up
on pain killers and looking like a champion in bloody bandages and my hospital
gown. For epitomizing “friend” (though
our friendship had been an odd one) when I needed friends the most…thank you.
This thank you is for you…for the pastor who deaned the camp
I volunteered at. The one who called me
a leader when, looking back, I doubt I had displayed much worth noting. The one who knew I would strive to live up to
such a meaningful identity. The one who
gave me tasks I knew nothing of and told me I was capable…in such a way that I
would see that I did have what it took. The
one who gave me the spring board for curriculum development and fundamental
leadership. The one who, by example,
helped confirm a passion in myself to be about intentional ministry. For perhaps unknowingly and unintentionally
being a coach from the sidelines and as a result empowering me to play in this
game called life…thank you.
This thank you is for you…for the high school teacher who
highlighted my ability to be creative with my writing. The one who knew I was quiet but saw almost
instantly that I used words as an outlet for thoughts louder than I was. The one who encouraged me to continue to
allow words to flow. For unknowingly giving
me the tool I would need to cope and for fanning a spark so it wouldn’t go out
before I had a chance to allow it to catch fire…thank you.
This thank you is for you…for the mom of the girls I babysat
so many times during my high school years.
The one who found unique ways to value me and my personhood far outside
the fact she and her husband employed me as an occasional caregiver for her
children. The one who engaged me in
conversation about classes and homework and college applications as she drove
me home and who gave me a luggage carrier to help tote around my monstrosity of
a backpack. The one whom I was tempted to
believe (and wished I would have somehow taken advantage of…), though older and
wiser, was also my friend. For being
willing to invest…thank you.
This thank you is for you…for the counselor at Wesley
Woods. The one every girl camper at camp
wished was their counselor. True when I
was but 11 and a camper for the first time and true when I was 16 and counselor
in training for the first time. The one
who was bubbly and passionate and fantastic…the person (and eventually
counselor) I so desperately wished to be.
The one who quite unknowingly showed me what it looked like to live and
serve in such a way that others would see Christ. The one who listened to me shakily share my
story at a firebowl and then came to tell me that through me Christ was shown to you
(what a table turner in my brain!). For
being Jesus was skin on and an example this young girl desperately needed…thank
you.
This thank you is to you…for the 8th grade
teacher at my new school who noticed.
Who saw that life for me somehow wasn’t what it could be. Who saw I didn’t fit in and was struggling to
be a student…let alone the student of excellence I wished to be. Who assigned
me work outside of the curriculum for the rest of the class...to challenge me and
to keep me engaged. Who wrote me a
letter of recommendation to get into an accelerated academic program in high
school which would empower me outside of the school I was in. For seeing what I was capable of and for
freeing me…thank you.
This thank you is for you…for the only true youth leader I
ever had. The one who invested herself
as well as her time into the straggly teens in her care. The one who is the first I recall affirming
me in such a way as to say “Anika is strange but Anika is okay”. The one who opened my eyes to the idea that
there was more than one way to do life and one of them might be without nylons…
For loving me for me – including all the awkwardness a 12 year old could
possibly hold in her body – in such a way that I still feel the reverberations
of such an impact today…thank you.
And on my list could and should go…
And so this thank you is for you…for the one reading this
right now. For the way(s) you have
perhaps unintentionally, perhaps unknowingly, perhaps unwillingly impacted my
life. The ways in which I am shaped
because of the experience I have had, even for the briefest moment, with you. Thank you for the gift given by your presence
and existence. Thank you for ordinary interactions which made for extraordinary
moments. I wish this “thank you” could
some how be a repayment gift enough to give meaning to the touches you’ve
placed into my world. And though I know it still falls short, for 1000 unsung
thank you’s…may this be one which finally is heard sung back to you…
This thank you is for you…
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