Protest to Praise: A Story and Now a Tattoo!

The "tat" - just post inking.
(pics courtesy of best friend and fellow tattoo adventurer and commiserate, Liz. :D)    

So yes, this is it friends, I was finally...

Inked!

For those of you unfamiliar with this word as a noun (*cough* Faith Wick), to be ‘inked’ traditionally refers to the act of being tattooed (or perhaps having a pen explode upon your person in a grand display). 

It’s official, I have a tattoo. 

It is something I’ve wanted for several years and have had formally decided upon for close to the last two.  I had the college itch.  The one which dared me square in the eye to do something crazy – like get a tattoo.  I had both support and criticism alike from any variety of people (surprises on both fronts!) but I assured both sides I would hold off on a tattoo until I knew exactly what I wanted and where I wanted it without a degree of hesitation.  I wanted my tat to say something real and true.  To be meaningful. To be me.

If you know me at all, you are aware of my love for a couple of things: words [stories] and symbolism. And, when possible, their intersection.   It was in discussing these thing with a few friends at camp one summer in conjunction with my draw to get inked that a camp counselor (a couple decades my senior) looked at me and said “Anika, you of all people should get a tattoo if you want one!  The best tattoos are ones which tell a story!  And girl, you have a story!  Decide on something that tells your story and go for it!” 

So the question became...what told my story? 

It took a surprisingly short amount of time to draw a decisive conclusion.  It was the middle of 2008.  Smack dab between “thyroid cancer take one” and “thyroid cancer take two: the continuing story”.  I rotated constantly between KNOWING God’s faithfulness and provision and the feeling as if He were so very distant and disconnected from who I was and what I was going through.  The same now on some epic and larger (or so it felt) cancer scale as it had, well, always. 

On my “WOW 2002” CD (don’t judge, I know it’s old!) – there was a hidden track.  It was something I almost never made it to the end of the CD to listen to and did't think much of it.  But I caught it my freshman year of college as I sought to redefine what life would look like then and so the song “Protest to Praise” became my theme song throughout that year.  A song I could relate to.  A song where the band (DownHere), the singer, spent time wrestling with where God was and when He was going to show up.  With the air of a psalmist, however, the singer interjects his own searchings to say he will cry out until he, himself, has a change of heart.  Until he goes from protest to praise.  Because, you see, God hadn’t checked out of who he was or what he going through...and he was confident God was going to see him until the end. 

In a nutshell, that’s just it!  That’s my story.  The song spells it out but those three words say it all.  Protest to Praise is in fact the epitome of my story.  Until I go from protest to praise.  Until I recognize who I am (Anika Joy Kasper - no more, no less), and how small I am, and WHO’S I am...  Until I realize that in all of the life I know and sometimes hate; of all of the life I sometimes feel like the God I love so much has checked out of... He hasn’t.  Life is still about surrender.  It’s taking the life that I know and giving it back to One who was holding it in the first place.  It’s praising in the midst of hell and high water, in the midst of things in life that no one will blame me for calling crap, and deciding that God is worthy of my praise anyway.  That He is still God.  

So often in my life I need to go from protest to praise...and too often I find myself going from praise back to protest before I’m brought back to praise.  It’s my story.

And my story?  It’s now on my foot.  Because my story is my journey, where I’ve been and where I’m going and [again with the symbolism], I couldn’t think of a better place it should be. 

On my foot the phrase “Protest to Praise” is followed by the reference to “Romans 5:3-5” which simply reads "Not only so but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”  [Btw, while I've memorized the traditional NIV and such are the words I know and love, however I SO appreciate the way it is worded in The Message...]

Perhaps unsurprisingly, this was the verse claimed for me, and then later one I was able to claim, while going through cancer.  It says that whatever I think I’m stuck in now, I can take it to good measure because in it is hope.  Yep.  Hope. 

The tattoo itself?  Yeah, it hurt.  I would be lying to say it didn’t.  (Although it wasn’t nearly as painful as I expected nor as painful as any one of my surgeries).  Part of me was glad it hurt.  The process in the story behind it hurt. Terribly. Who would want it any other way?

Permanent?  Yes.  Regrettable?  Not a chance.  How can I regret a constant reminder of God’s faithfulness in my life?  I can’t.  Plus, in all reality...it holds a story that must be told...

Protest to Praise – DownHere

I knew the times would come
And now the times have landed
With stinging abrasion
As ready as I seem to be
It's never like I planned it, yeah

I'm wrestling my thoughts I'm overcome
Would you give me up I'm asking Lord
There's no where I sense Your presence here
So I will cry out, until I go...

From protest to praise
You're always amazing me
You're changing me slow, but surely
And You're going to see me to the end.

How long will I be
Forgotten by You forever?
Cuz you're not making sense here
Seems like an eternity has made a hoe between us, yeah

I'm wrestling my thoughts I'm overcome
Would you give me up I'm asking Lord
There's no where I sense Your presence here
So I will cry out, until I go...

From protest to praise
You're always amazing me
You're changing me slow, but surely
And You're going to see me to the end.

You're changing by slow but surely
I just can't help but see it that way...
Cuz you're going to see me to the end.