I’m a terrible sick kid.
Anyone who knows my medical history now has my permission
and my plead to stop laughing.
It’s true. I don’t
handle being sick well. I just don’t
feel like life really makes allotments for sickness. And, perhaps more accurately, some mal-wired
piece of me doesn’t make allotments for sickness either. The proper answer to sickness in my life? To
buck it up and work through it. There
are things more important than how I feel.
Seriously.
I could give you example after example of how this has
played out but suffice it to know I had curiously exceptional attendance in
college despite everything and while one time last spring I was sent home sick
at lunch, I can’t actually bring to mind a time in my semi recent past where
I’ve called in ill. I’m just never sick
enough to justify taking time off – of anything.
Most people would call this sort of mindset...
Denial!
Maybe.
I just think most things you can work through. That what
doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. And
some combination of “what’s the big deal?” and “I get to decide so...” Alright,
I will also concede that the people pleaser in me would much rather meet up to
the expectations and commitments before me than place them aside for something
as dumb sounding as “I don’t feel good”.
But there’s more to being a terrible sick kid than that.
Because when I am sick, I don’t handle it well. I become whiny and irritable. (Yes, even more than usual, thanks for
asking). And needy – but I don’t
actually let people take care of me very well.
Counterproductive? I would say
so.
So what happens when, in the name of being sick, I’m stuck
on a 10-day “vacation”? Well, confusion for one. I was never off for 10 days in a row during
cancer! And here you’re going to tell me
that some odd combination of pneumonia and cheater’s appendicitis have done the
trick? For real? Come. On!
And yet, in my last 10 days I’ve been taught some important
lessons about being sick. Like the fact
it’s okay to let people take care of you from time to time. Not to mention, when you’re THAT sick, a
blind man sees through your claims that you’re feeling fine. I was a little caught off guard by the
intensity and legitimacy of the individuals who were there to offer and provide
whatever I needed long before I could ask.
And not just my mommy (who I still need to take care of me even though I’m
just shy of 24 years old) either. I didn’t
have a day without at least one text asking me how I was feeling or how I was
doing. To let me know they were praying
for me. It is weird to be the one who
wants to take care of everyone else and to suddenly be the one being cared for.
Admittedly, I don’t do it very well...
I learned other things too.
Like (but not limited to)... it’s hard to get better if you don’t slow
down. In fact, I have spent more time in
the last 10 days in my pajamas than in jeans. Furthermore, I’ve slept more than I’ve been
awake. (Anyone who knows me can sight these as not just “woah, really?” statements
but NOTEABLE accomplishments). I’ve
read. I’ve watched movies. I’ve had phone dates. I’ve made it through
the comics every morning and the evening news every night. I’ve spent some time
in my journal and I’ve managed to do a little reflecting. Life has been soooo slow. But good.
In the end, the time was almost...healthy. Healthy enough that I find myself in moderate
pain (we won’t talk about how many mg of Ibuprofen I’m allowed to take in
conjunction with Tylenol to reach this functional status. Not important) and am anxious to be back to
work with my colleagues and the camp I have come to love and the kids that
always have a way of stealing my heart. Blast them! I am antsy and grumpy that I won’t be there
to greet the new group when they arrive tomorrow so that I can make it to my
post-op appointment instead. Eager to
get back to being too busy and trying too hard to take care of the world...it
sounds almost refreshing!
In the end...I’m still a terrible sick kid.
I don’t handle being sick very well and I don’t anticipate I
ever will.
On the plus side...I’m tonsils and a kidney shy of losing
all the body parts there really are to lose (I’m a gallbladder, a thyroid, four
wisdom teeth, 32 lymph nodes and now an appendix down)... so that she keep me
settled for a while. Plus, I’m on enough
antibiotics to kill bacteria within a 100ft radius of my body AND yep, cashed in
and made sure I got my flu shot before I left the hospital. I intend to ride healthy for the rest of this
blasted winter season.
If not...
Call the Missing Parts Club.
I am now a Gold Card Member and they’ll be forced to deal with my
incredulously grumpy persona and accompanying dripping nose. : )
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